


Bitter, Bitter Love

by waejima (orphan_account)



Category: NCT (Band), SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Neglect, Plot Twists, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-23
Updated: 2018-01-23
Packaged: 2019-03-08 11:04:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13456884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/waejima
Summary: Does Jisoo really want Johnny? He does, so much, but does Johnny want him? He doesn't, does he?





	Bitter, Bitter Love

“Jisoo? Baby, come to bed, please.” Every evening, same story. Johnny waits in the doorframe for 10, 15, 30, 45 minutes and then gives up. Jisoo doesn’t move an inch, unless to jot something down on his tablet or take a sip of his coffee. He really,  _ really  _ wants to go to bed, fall asleep with Johnny and cuddle up to him, but he’s got too much work on his hands. 

 

He doesn’t feel surprised when he comes home to find Johnny packing his things. He’s been neglecting him,  _ for what, Jisoo? For what? Four months and all you can do is watch as he leaves. _ Johnny doesn’t pay him any mind, probably expects him to just brew himself a cup of coffee and do more work. Jisoo wants to laugh at the surprise on Johnny’s face when the latter walks into their,  _ his?, _ living room.

 

He’s picked up an old, framed picture of them on their first anniversary.  _ Josh? Y’know I love you, alot… Like, I’d drink coffee without milk or sugar just for this to last. Like… You’re fucking amazing. _ He’s tired, he’s so tired, he knows he shouldn’t ignore Johnny, but he really,  _ really _ wanted to buy something for their 9th anniversary. He has the ring tucked in his suit pocket at all times, a weight of what exactly he’s doing. 

 

Johnny speaks up when he realises Jisoo won’t speak, “I’m sorry, Josh, but maybe I really shouldn’t have started liking coffee without milk and sugar.” Joshua sighs, barely there, he wants to tell Johnny he loves him, how amazing he is and he wants to ask him what he’s been afraid to ask for so long.

 

“I love you, Seo Youngho,” He pulls the ring out of his suit pocket, “And I hurt you, I did. Because I wanted to spend more time with you.” He twirls it around in his fingers, slides his fingers over the two white diamonds decorating it, “I’m just selfish like that, Youngho.” He hears the door click before he can finish his second sentence. 

 

He wants to drink, but he pours the drinks they- _ he _ owns down the drain.  _ Don’t, don’t, don’t, you need it, need him, _ the ring lays on a velvet padding under the TV. Gold and dark blue, _ ‘You two are like gold and navy, you clash and compliment. I just can’t imagine you two with anyone else. Really, Josh, just pop the question, he can’t stay mad at you for long.’  _

 

Joshua cries, quietly, because he just can’t stop fucking up.  _ ‘Josh, give yourself a break, he’ll leave, you know that.’ _ Oh, how bitter the memories are. He sleeps in the guest bedroom. Even there he gets an overload of only  _ Johnny _ and this time, he whimpers, lowly, as the tears roll over his nose and into the pillow under his head, before falling asleep.

 

Morning comes slow, Jisoo calls in sick when he wakes up. There’s an odd silence to their- his, his,  _ his  _ house. He can’t remember where his glasses are, so he just does his morning routine, minus anything involving Johnny, and realises just how lonely it is. He wades into his living-room.

 

He almost trips when he sees Johnny, beautiful, beautiful Johnny. He can’t stop the tears. He really can’t. He wants to say he’s dreaming, he really,  _ really _ does, because it hasn’t even been 24 hours and he  _ misses _ Johnny so much. He slaps a hand on his mouth, quietly, to not make any noise, because he’s so afraid to lose Johnny again.

 

Johnny probably hears him, of course he hears. He doesn’t react though, he never really did, after Jisoo became so immersed in his work. Joshua only then notices the little, little handwritten note in his hand, He barely recognises it as the one he wrote for when his nerves really did kick in and he couldn’t do it.

 

It takes time for Johnny to piece things together: the little notes he kept finding that just didn’t fit any of his friends handwriting, but fit the one in his hand, the sudden rush of work that Jisoo got, the velvet box under the TV that Jisoo didn’t let him throw out, the little hearts everywhere. He whips his head up, searching for Jisoo. Pain runs through him when he can’t find him anymore.

 

“Josh? Joshua? J-Jisoo?” 

 

His heart shatters as he identifies the whimper he heard from the doorway. It’s the exact same one that has been haunting his dreams, the whimper of horror that his Joshua let out in his, what, dream? When he found out what Johnny’d been doing. His blood runs cold. 

 

_ Seo Youngho, _

 

_ I’m sorry, for loving you. _

  
  


Johnny runs through the house, checks what places he can, and freezes, as he walks into their bedroom. A bittersweet smile on his face, Johnny’s dear, dear Jisoo lays there, cold and immovable. And oh, how Johnny wishes he’d have another day with Jisoo.

 

_ I’m sorry, for not paying attention to you, _

 

He craddles his boyfriend in his arms, and he cries, softly, as he wishes for the gray mist to disappear, and make way for those lively, chocolate eyes that he loved.

 

_ I’m sorry, for being the coffee without milk and sugar. _

 

He wishes he could love Seo Jisoo for one more day.

 

_ So lets go out with a bang, yeah? _

 

And he wishes he could share his next life with him, again and again.

 

_ Your Seo Jisoo. _

 

Bang.


End file.
